Is divorce a curse or a boon? I think it depends on the circumstances. If a marriage has reached a stage of no return, then separation is the best solution. But if the decision to break the wedlock is rash, hasty, and impulsive, it could be a curse. Such decisions require a lot of deliberation with a calm mind. Flexibility, compromise, and adjustment are prerequisites for a marriage to succeed.
Unfortunately, both the husband and wife often want a bigger slice of the cake. "My way or the highway" becomes the maxim. When a marriage breaks, the parents of both parties get the shock of their lives. In a middle-class family, parents often spend their life’s savings on the marriage, and when it breaks, it breaks their hearts. Children suffer the most; they get negative vibes.
"Divorce isn't such a tragedy. A tragedy is staying in an unhappy marriage, teaching your children the wrong things about love. Nobody ever died of divorce," says writer Jennifer Weiner in her novel Fly Away Home. Conflicts in a relationship are inevitable. Some might choose to part ways. The same goes for marriage: it can be wonderful, but it can also be complicated, challenging, and even ugly, leading to separation. One thing is certain: nobody imagines on their wedding day that the union will one day come to a bitter end. But sometimes, marriages just do not work out, and getting a divorce is the best solution for both partners.
When a marriage ends, it can be a scary time filled with uncertainty, fear, restlessness, loneliness, and great sadness. But it can also be an extraordinary time of transformation as you learn to stand up for yourself and become independent during the healing process.
Recognize that it’s okay to have different feelings. It's normal to feel sad, angry, exhausted, frustrated, and confused, and these feelings can be intense. You may also feel anxious about the future. Accept that reactions like these will lessen over time. Even if the marriage was unhealthy, venturing into the unknown is frightening.
Give yourself a break. Share your feelings with friends and family. Consider joining a support group where you can talk to others in similar situations. Take care of yourself emotionally and physically. Be good to yourself and your body. Take time to exercise, eat well, and relax.
Avoid making major decisions or changes in life plans. Don’t use alcohol, drugs, or cigarettes as a way to cope; they only lead to more problems.
1. Take time to explore your interests. Reconnect with things you enjoyed doing apart from your spouse. Invest time in your hobbies, and make new friends.
2. Think positively. Finding new activities and friends, and moving forward with reasonable expectations, will make this transition easier.
3. Life will get back to normal, although “normal” may be different from what you had originally hoped.
4. Make sure your kids know that your divorce is not their fault. Listen to them, ease their concerns, and be compassionate and direct in your responses.
5. Try to keep your kids’ daily and weekly routines as familiar and stable as possible.
6. Don’t involve your children in the conflict. Avoid talking negatively about the other parent in front of your kids. Don’t use them as spies or messengers, or make them take sides.
Half of all first marriages end in divorce. Second and third marriages actually fail at a far higher rate. Those who marry multiple times face a much higher rate of divorce. In fact, 67% of second marriages end in divorce, and 73% of third marriages are dissolved. These statistics, compiled by Forbes Adviser, relate to America.
The average length of a marriage before divorce is eight years. Living together prior to marriage is one predictor of the likelihood of divorce. A total of 57% of couples who did not live together before marriage had a union that lasted 20 or more years, compared with just 46% who did live together before tying the knot. Infidelity, domestic violence, and abuse are cited as major factors leading to divorce.
The United States has a higher divorce rate than most parts of the world, but it is far from the country with the most divorces. In fact, the U.S. crude divorce rate is 2.5, while the worldwide average crude divorce rate is just 1.8. Some countries have more than double the average divorce rate, including the Maldives with a crude divorce rate of 5.52, Kazakhstan with a rate of 4.6, and Russia with a rate of 3.9.
The countries with the lowest divorce rates include Sri Lanka with a crude divorce rate of 0.15, as well as Guatemala and Vietnam, which have the second and third lowest divorce rates with crude divorce rates of just 0.20. Only two countries do not permit divorce: The Philippines and the Vatican.
People belonging to the Hindu religion have the lowest divorce rate in the world. While 60% of the Hindu population is married, just 5% of this demographic group is divorced. Evangelical Protestants divorce at a higher rate than any other religious group. While 55% of this population is married, 14% are divorced.
Now, let's look at the grounds on which one can file a petition for divorce in court. These are cruelty, adultery, desertion, conversion, mental disorder, and communicable venereal diseases.
Under a new rule, the Supreme Court now allows couples to seek divorce on the ground of an "irretrievable breakdown of marriage." In May last year, the Supreme Court held that its extraordinary discretion under Article 142 of the Constitution can be used to do “complete justice” for couples trapped in bitter marriages by granting them divorce by mutual consent, thus sparing them the “misery” of waiting for six to 18 months for a local court to declare the annulment final.
The Supreme Court clarified that this judgment does not mean people can rush straight to the Supreme Court for a quick divorce. It means that the Supreme Court, using great care and caution, can invoke Article 142 to deal with certain cases which come to it by way of transfer petitions or appeals in civil or criminal matrimonial disputes.
Several factors would be considered by the Supreme Court before invoking Article 142 in a case. These include the duration of the marriage, the period of litigation, the time they have stayed apart, the nature of the pending cases between the couple, the number of attempts at reconciliation, and the court’s satisfaction that the mutual agreement to divorce was not under coercion.
The new law also makes changes to the timeframe for the divorce process. Currently, couples have to wait for two years of separation before they can apply for a no-fault divorce. Under the new law, the waiting period will be reduced to six months, making it easier for couples to obtain a divorce without the need for lengthy separation.
Furthermore, the new law will introduce a 20-week timeframe for the entire divorce process, from the time of application to the divorce being granted. This means that couples will have to wait no longer than 20 weeks to obtain a divorce, making the process quicker and less stressful.
Here are some observations by courts in divorce cases:
In a divorce case filed by an eighty-nine-year-old husband, the Supreme Court observed that the institution of marriage is still considered to be a pious, spiritual, and invaluable emotional life-net between the husband and wife in Indian society. Rejecting the husband’s plea for divorce, the court felt that granting dissolution of marriage would be an "injustice" to the wife, who had told the court she did not want to die with the "stigma" of being a divorcee.
She also said that she had made all efforts to respect their "sacred relationship" and was still ready to look after her husband in his old age. The couple has three children. The husband is 89, and the wife is 82. They have been married for almost six decades.
In another case, the Delhi High Court observed that a man expecting his wife to perform household chores cannot be termed as cruelty. The same shall not be equated to the work of a maidservant; it shall be counted as her love and affection for her family.
Denying maintenance to a wife, the Jharkhand High Court quoted Manusmriti and said a wife is expected to be with the family of her husband after marriage. The court said that without any justifiable strong reason, the wife could not insist that her husband should separate from his family and live only with her.
There is no doubt that divorce is a traumatic life experience. In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to continue to find grounds for marriage.
Divorce is a time of change. It really rocks the foundation of most people’s lives. When we have our hearts broken or our dreams taken away from us, it is a time of growth and change.
In yet another case, the Supreme Court ruled that long years of desertion by a spouse, ignoring repeated attempts by the other partner for restitution of conjugal rights, irretrievably breaks the matrimony and makes it a fit case for the court to exercise omnibus powers under Article 142 of the Constitution to annul the marriage.
Reversing the concurrent findings of the trial court and Bombay HC, a bench of the
Supreme Court granted a divorce decree to a man who had been separated from his wife since February 2011.
The Chhattisgarh High Court granted custody of a nine-year-old girl to her father. The high court prioritized the child’s well-being, considering her preferences and safety concerns in their decision-making process. During separate conversations with the child, the court learned that she described her mother as negligent and prone to physical abuse. She recounted specific instances of physical harm, emotional distress, and exposure to abusive language. She claimed that her grandmother was also a victim of her mother’s violence. Expressing a strong desire to live with her father, the child stressed that she would also receive affection from her paternal grandparents. Guided by a Supreme Court precedent, the high court concluded that continued custody with the mother would be detrimental to the mental and emotional well-being of the child.
Divorce is a sad thing, whether the fault lies with the husband or the wife. A family breaks, children suffer, and old parents get the shock of their lives. A breakup should only be the last resort. But if a marriage reaches the point of no return, it is better to part gracefully. "Divorce isn't such a tragedy. A tragedy is staying in an unhappy marriage, teaching your children the wrong things about love. Nobody ever died of divorce," writes Jennifer Weiner in her novel Fly Away Home.
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